1 month! The AWESOME things about being sober

I've been sober 1 month and one day! Hooraaay! I wonder what I should do to celebrate? 🤔 

I'm going to go ahead and dive into my reflections of this past month so far. There have been good days (indeed, incredible days), some bad days and some ugly days revelations. Today's post is going to be about the good. 

Awesome things about being sober:

1) No more waking up feeling exhausted. And I don't mean beyond tired. I mean, waking up feeling like I'm wading through liquorice sludge level exhausted. Like eyes rolling into the back of your head level exhausted. If you've ever had a sleeping pill and woken up before it's worked its way through your system, you'll know what I mean. It. Is. Bad. 

2) No more going somewhere (like on a long drive and hike) feeling exhausted and wishing I wasn't there because I JUST WANT TO GO HOME TO SLEEP! 

3) I've been waking up consistently early every morning and I've had the motivation (and time) to try new and different things.

4) I've been exercising and drinking more water

5) No being in the car and wanting to sleep because of alcohol or weed but feeling ashamed about it because I don't want to show my boyfriend that the Walcohol (weed/alcohol) affected me. It's very likely that I didn't want to show it affected me because I had smoked/drank at an inappropriate hour, like at 11am on a drive from London to the north of England (not me driving). In fact, I wonder when else I've smoked or drunk at an inappropriate time but didn't realise it was just so inappropriate. Hmmmm. 

6) My restless leg sydrome has gone. Like 99% not there. Before, whenever it was time to lie down for bed, I'd sometimes need to do some deep stretches because it felt like ants were crawling through my bloodstream, itching to burst out. Happy to say bye to that freaking symptom of alcohol abuse! 

7) Because I haven't been using Walcohol as a crutch, I'm discovering some things about myself and how I handle (or don't handle) stress. They say that the age at which you start problem drinking is the age at which you stop maturing. That must mean I'm about 13-15 years old. When that thought struck me I was almost floored because I often ask myself why is it that I feel as though I'm mentally 13-15 years old, even though I am a 30 year old woman. 

9) No fear about how I'd feel the next day after drinking. I used to live scared to death of plummeting mood and anxiety. I had started to really notice and come to terms with the fact that alcohol affected chemicals which meant I would feel depressed the next day and even a couple of days after, depending on how much I drank. 

10) I'm not thinking about WALCHOL all the time!! Infact we've driven near the place I normally buy my weed from and I haven't said we should stop by. Makes a big difference from what was usually in my mind when we were driving. My thoughts went something like this:  

- Are we driving anywhere near past the place where we pick up? 

- How can I casually suggest we should go by and drop in to pick up without coming off desperate? What time is it, anyway?  

- (After picking up weed). When will we get home so I can start smoking? 

I would honestly be pretty much holding my breath as we drove back home as the schleped forward in millimetres - or so it seemed. I'd be seething at how long the drive was taking (only a 20 min drive) and silently cursing every red light that made us stop. 

11) I find the sober life to be fun. I remember back when I was in the throes of drinking every night, thinking to myself, "what would I do if I wasn't drinking? Everything is so boring!" Well... seems I've found things to do! Which leads me to my next points...

12) I've been reading more. Great because I love reading. 

13)) I've been singing more. Great because I love to sing. 

14) I've been bursting into dance more. Great, because I love... Is this getting old yet?

I'm truly enjoying being sober. At the start of this, I wondered why it was that I wasn't experiencing this magical pink cloud stage which everyone spoke of. It's the phase of sobriety when everything is wonderful and magical and full of unicorns, rainbows and life-sized jellybabies and one is so grateful for everything - from the hue of a pregnant cloud to the edges of a blade of grass. 

But, perhaps I have been experiencing it.  Because I AM grateful. The other day I found myself simply staring out of my bedroom window which points out to the garden as the rain fell in sheets. I  remember feeling enthralled and almost overcome with the feelings of gratitude and joy which gently lapped through my body in waves. I'm not ashamed to say that I've shed a few tears because I continue to be hit with feelings of immense gratitude.  Gratitude for my life, for what I'm learning, for my incredible partner, for my strength...

I will remain diligent as post pink cloud is where many people start to think... is this it? This is boring! Or they start to wonder whether they made it all up and actually, they can indeed moderate. So I will keep watch! 

I'll leave off there for now. Looking forward to discovering what the next month has in store :)

Love, 

Soaring